Self-esteem is a feeling that makes you feel good about yourself regardless of all odds. It has to do with self worth and self respect one possesses at all times. Having a high self esteem is very necessary if one is to cope with daily challenges of life, most especially the challenges that comes with socialization and involvement in the society. It has been studies that people who live happy and fulfilled lives are those with high self esteem.
Low self esteem on the other hand is a feeling that makes one look down on oneself. People with a low self esteem feel unloved, awkward and incompetent - they find it difficult leaving their daily lives. They have a fragile sense of self that can easily be wounded by others.
They are “hypervigilant and hyperalert to signs of rejection, inadequacy, and disapproval. Often, individuals lacking self-esteem see rejection and disapproval even when there isn’t any.
However, there is a good news, and the news is that that no one is born with a low self esteem. It is a learned behavior that can also be unlearned if one put himself into action. All you need to do is to identify the cause of it and eliminate them all.
Below are some of the major culprits that can get you drowned in the pool of a low self esteem.
Talking yourself down
A low self esteem is always accompanied with a pessimistic attitude. People with it tend to be negative towards themselves and the situations surrounding them. Whether verbally or in the recesses of your mind, constantly criticizing, insulting and looking down on your own self is one of the fastest ways to destroy your self-esteem. Avoid this with all your life if you can.
However, it is normal to acknowledge your faults and shortcomings, but that doesn't give you the right to insult and belittle yourself over it. Even if you must criticize yourself over your flaws, make it a constructive criticism, a criticism that will make you learn lessons from your mistakes. Not a destructive criticism that will start rubbing shits on your self-confidence and cripple your self-esteem.
Trying to fit in
Trying to be what you are not simply because you want to impress, is another symptom of a low self esteem. You don't have to live your life for people to approve. Giving yourself away too much makes you vulnerable to a lot of odd feelings.
However, there are certain occasions where you have to learn certain attitudes, and behaviors just to fit in to that setting (such as an office environment, business or events). But after the event, you shouldn't force yourself to be that way if its making you feel awkward and out of place - a life that constantly makes you feel bad about who you are.
Rather than trying to fit in, consider being in a place that suites you, be around people who complement you. Just go back to a life that gives you peace, rest of mind- one that elevates your spirit and magnifies your sense of self-worth.
Personalizing mistakes and failures
Mistakes were supposed to be a motivation for positive changes, and not a recipe for killing your self worth. No body ever lost or fail without getting it wrong. If you take every mistake and failure personally, you are only wounding yourself unnecessarily. Why kill yourself over your mistakes, are you the only one who make mistakes? if there is anyone who don't make mistakes, it means that person does not deserve to be called a human being and not suppose to leave with us as humans.
So why stress yourself and risk hypertension over something normal to humanity, something that happens to all of us at some point or the other, stop killing your self-worth because of such. It is not healthy.
Instead of fighting yourself over your mistakes, see it as a motivation for correction and a drive to a better result.rrection and a drive to a better result.
You are Scared of the unknown
Fear is always caused due to the unknown. We tend to fear situations and circumstances because we don't know what they are bringing to us. What normally propel fear is negative thoughts...the more you anticipate things that are yet to occur, in a negative way, the more you are consumed by fear. One of the ways to control fear is either you are alert and aware of whats coming next, or you don't think of the dark side of the situation that is yet to occur.
Another way of avoiding fear is facing the fear itself. Do what you think you are afraid of. Our biological system is designed in such a way that is can adapt to situations, whatever, you must have faced before will no longer appear new to you anymore. Before you face what you are afraid of, you must make sure you prepare for it.
Being too conscious about how you are perceived by others
You know who you are,...you are the only person who understand yourself better than anyone else in the world. Whatever, opinion anyone else has about you that is not in line with who you think you truly are, is non of your business, that is their own cup of tea.
Stop fighting yourself over what you cannot change. You can not change how people see you, perhaps you don't even have to. Just try and be the best of yourself. If anyone does not like that, he/she can go to hell.
Not Accepting That You Have a Low Self Esteem
We really need to accept our flaws and make changes were necessary. You may realize that you have a low self esteem, that's quite OK, but don't feel too bad about that. In fact realizing it is even better, because its going to help you evaluate yourself and make the necessary adjustments. Some people have a low self esteem without even realizing that they have it. How can you ever solve a problem you don't know you have?
Having a negative mind set
If you always see yourself in a negative way, constantly talking yourself down and criticizing yourself, you end up loosing confidence and believe in yourself. Always be nice to yourself no matter what. Learn to cheer yourself up whenever you are feeling bad. And never talk down on your self no matter what.
If you always compare yourself with others, then you have to read this story.
Once upon a time, there was a Crow who lived in the forest and was absolutely satisfied in life, until one day he saw a Swan. The swan was so white and beautiful to the crow that the crow thought: "This swan is so white and beautiful, while I'm so black. The swan must be the happiest bird in the world." The crow approached the swan and expressed its thoughts, but the swan replied that it actually did feel like the happiest bird in the world until it saw the Parrot and the lovely two colors of its feathers. The swan now thought the parrot was the happiest bird in the world. The crow then met the parrot who explained that it (the parrot) also lived a very happy life till it saw the Peacock. The peacock had multiple colors and was the center of attraction for everyone.
The crow proceeded to visit the peacock in the zoo and saw hundreds of people gathered to see and admire the peacock. After everyone left, the crow went to the peacock and said how beautiful it was and how lucky it was to have so many people coming to admire it. The peacock then replied: "I always thought I was the most beautiful and happy bird on the planet. But because of my beauty, I am entrapped in this zoo. I have examined the zoo carefully, and I have realized that the crow is the only bird not kept in a cage. Since then I have wished to be a crow, so I could be free and roam everywhere I want." Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time and unfair to you.