Have you uploaded a picture?
We’d all like to be loved and appreciated for more than just our appearance, but the fact is, online daters like to know who they are talking to. Many people won’t bother contacting someone who hasn’t uploaded a picture, thinking that person obviously has something to hide. A good picture is one that shows people what you look like. Don’t be put off uploading one if you are not conventionally “beautiful”. Whatever you look like, it’s a safe bet to assume that people who look like you meet and fall in love all the time. Uploading a clear picture where you’re smiling and look friendly is your best bet. Headshots are best, with full body shots OK as a second picture.
Uploading pictures of anything or anyone that is obviously not you will only damage your chances.
Is your profile as good as it can be?
Your aim when writing a profile is to make people want to get to know you. With thousands or even millions of people on a dating site, putting up a profile that says nothing but “ask me”, won’t make anyone want to contact you, unless you are a beautiful woman and have uploaded a photo (in which case, only guys who are after sex would bother contacting you). Show people a bit about who you are by writing a profile they will actually want to read. Spend some time actually describing yourself, rather than just listing adjectives (such as “I’m generous, friendly, good cook” etc.) anyone can write the words “I’m funny” but not everyone can make you laugh.
Have you tried contacting people?
Whether you are a man or a woman, it helps to get out there and contact people yourself. Online dating is fast moving us from the times when men were the ones who had to make first contact and women had to sit back and wait or be thought of as too “forward”. With so many thousands of people to choose from, the person you want to talk to may never have a chance to browse your profile unless you let them know you exist, so do it! Regardless of whether they’re interested in you or not, no one will ever hold it against you if you send him/her a message.
How did you communicate?
You think your profile is as good as can be, you’ve uploaded a friendly picture and have sent messages to as many people as you’ve seen but still no response. What now? The next questions to ask involve the way you communicate with others. Was your message too short? Just writing “hi” or other impersonal, short messages can make people think your message was not sent personally to them or that you didn’t feel they were worth spending a few more minutes coming up with something better to write. Try to write a couple of paragraphs and make the message sound like you’ve put some thought into it. Maybe comment on that person’s profile and say why you chose to contact him/her. Unless you are on a web site where the premise is people have come there looking for sex, don’t be too forward. It would most likely not be appreciated.
Are you ready for dating?
Sometimes people start dating again too soon after a recent break up. Every one of us has done this and we usually can’t tell ourselves whether it’s too early. Sometimes it’s easy for other people to tell, though. If you’ve followed all the advice in this article, contacted some people, started communicating and then never heard back, you could be subconsciously sending people signals that you are not ready. Maybe you’ve spent too much time talking about your ex, or about how you feel all men/women are cheaters and liars etc. If you’ve recently come out of a relationship, it may be that you need to give yourself time to grieve or to consolidate what you’ve learned from the experience before you move on. There is nothing wrong with this and we all heal at our own pace. Go at your own pace, not anyone else’s.
Is this the site for you?
Sometimes it does happen that the online dating site you’re using is not right for you. If you’ve spend a few months on a site, have tried your best, uploaded your best picture, sent good messages to people and have gotten nowhere, it could be time to change. Take a look around other dating sites and sign up for some free trials. In online dating, like in the world of flat hunting, location is sometimes everything.
