I often liken affairs to an addiction whereby however much you tell yourself you shouldn’t be doing something you feel compelled to do the opposite. And of course, while it’s sitting there for you on a plate who are you to say no. However, infidelity is like any other addiction, there comes a time when you realise that this isn’t what life is all about and decide to let go. Unfortunately, all too often the realisation comes too late!! Just remember, if you want to play such a dangerous game as adultery someone is always going to get hurt.
I personally believe that you shouldn’t sleep with someone while you are sleeping in the marital bed. Infidelity can be really cruel on the cheated partner, have you ever thought how you would feel if you knew your partner was behaving the same as you?
Some people do have open relationships and it does work but ground rule number one has to be that your partner is aware and is happy with the situation.
If you are the one commiting adultery now is the time to ask yourself is infidelity really worth it. Is your life that bad that you need to shit on your spouse from such a great height? Do you love the person you are having an affair with and if so do you love them enough to destroy the lives of those around you. Is the new relationship strong enough to last and is it truly worth the infidelity?
A slight interlude – I had a mare once who, fell in love with a gelding in another field. She wasn’t really allowed to see this horse because where they were kept most of the owners preferred their horses to be in separate paddocks. This didn’t make a difference to my mare who, would jump out of her paddock into the next as soon as you put her back in her field (where she had several companions). After a month of messing around, jumping 7ft high hedges and a series of five bar gates just to get to the one she loved she got evicted for bad behaviour. I took her to another yard where she immediately flirted with all the guys and totally forgot the horse that she had got herself (and her mate) evicted over.
Anyway back to marriages and affairs. The only advice I can give you if you are having an affair is that you have to make a choice, and you have to choose now. It is totally unfair to both your spouse and the person you are having the affair with to continue as you are, you need to choose .
The choice is hard but you have to make it with a clear head and an open mind. Just because you are going through a rough patch now doesn’t mean to say that with a little effort you can't save your marriage and become stronger and ultimately be better than it was at the start. Before you destroy what was and could still be a good thing be 100% certain that even with a lot of effort you can't save yourr marriage and that the person you are committing the infidelity with and destroying your marriage for is someone you want to stay with for the rest of your life.
If your partner is having the affair, or you suspect they are, it doesn’t mean that it is the end of your marriage. For one your suspicions might be incorrect and for two if it’s true you are now in the driving seat. The future of your marriage is in your hands. You need to decide whether or not you feel you can and want to save your marriage, is it worth saving and can you forgive you partner for such a stupid mistake. We all make mistakes and some of us make more serious mistakes than others but should infidelity necessarily ruin the rest of our lives?
You need to ask yourself:
Do you still love your partner?
Do you want to save your marriage?
And are you committed to trying to save it?
If you truly want to save your marriage then you will always wonder ‘what if?’ if you don’t make the effort now.
Just because your partner is having an affair it doesn’t mean to say that they don’t still love you and it doesn’t mean to say that they don’t want to try to work with you to save your marriage.
Don't just sit back and let infidelity destroy your relationship, say no to affairs and save your marriage before it's too late.
