The man shopping for an engagement diamond has three primary shopping priorities:
1) They want to make a good investment
2) They want to make you happy
3) They fear disappointing you or worse yet, rejection
On all three points, men act out of fear of making a mistake. Their pride and desire to surprise their girlfriend typically prohibit them from asking the woman’s advice. As men so often do, they try to apply logic to what is a very emotional decision.
Most men attack diamond shopping the same as any other problem they face. They research the subject, gather all the facts (often in a spreadsheet), and then make a logical decision. They assume you will have the same priorities they have so they focus on what will be a good investment. They seek a high quality diamond fearing that anything less will as somehow imply some lower level of love.
The man’s first stop is often the jewelry store in the closest shopping mall. They walk in the door and realize they just entered a world foreign to them. They look at rings in the display cases and see more zeros in the price tag than they have seen since they bought their car. Their heart starts pounding as they realize they have to spend thousands of dollars on a tiny little rock they know nothing about, then give it away to someone else or worse yet, face rejection.
Now their legs are shaking so they decide they need to do more research and do it in a friendlier environment. They head home, turn on the computer, and start searching online for clues on how to survive the diamond buying process. Their goal is to find a pretty ring their girlfriend will like and have a few dollars left in their pocket. They feel more comfortable with the discussions of the four C’s (color, clarity, carat weight and cut) where they can match up those letter grades with their budget to find some possible options. However, with a little knowledge comes the sinking feeling that there is a whole lot more for them to learn in order to protect themselves from making an expensive mistake. They become even more determined not to make a mistake so they spend the next weeks and months gathering ever fact and opinion they can find on diamond buying. It is almost like trying to get a drink from a fire hydrant. There is just too much to drink in.
It is at this stage of the shopping process men sometimes forget the reason they started on this adventure in the first place. They can lose sight of the fact that their primary goal is to make their girlfriend happy.
If you are a woman, by now you are probably getting the picture. However, you are asking yourself, what should I do to help ensure the diamond of my dreams and the proposal moment as romantic as I hope?
Here are some suggestions that can help make your dreams come true:
1) Do some shopping yourself so you can tell your boyfriend what shape of diamond you like best on your finger. Do not leave it up to him to guess wrong.
2) If you sense this is going to be mostly a surprise gift, drop some subtle hints about what kind of mounting (solitaire, side stones, etc.) you want for your diamond. If you do not know, hint you want something very simple so he does not make an expensive mistake.
3) If you have a strong preference for the type of metal in the ring (yellow gold, white gold, platinum), find a way to tell him.
4) If you have the type of relationship that supports it, get involved in the diamond buying process. There are more couples shopping together for the engagement ring now than ever before and the result is often higher levels of happiness and lower levels of stress.
Many couples now shop together so the boyfriend knows what shape of diamond the girlfriend likes, knows what style of mounting she likes and then he takes that knowledge to buy the ring on his own timetable and make the presentation a surprise.
The bottom line is your man is trying, to the best of his ability, to do all the right things to make you happy. You just need to be patient and try to appreciate the effort he is making on your behalf. If you would like to see this diamond gift giving repeated, then by all means tell him how proud you are of his research show him how much you love that sparkling diamond on your finger.
