What Was It That Magnified Her Beauty That I Had To Seduce Her

Reality. You say one lie (that you are bold-faced aware you are saying), and you have just changed the game. You now have to keep track of the lie, never forget it, and know that that lie is what part of your potential relationship is now based on. For she will believe you. And one day, if you are both lucky enough to get involved, she will find out. And she will dump your ass. Or do a LOT of haranguing and how-could-yous….

In the same respect as you will be yourself—nervous if you are nervous (some girls find that adorable); clumsy if you are clumsy (some girls find this endearing)—you will also remember that the girl you seek to impress might not be the one for you…no matter how close a next-door neighbor she is or how many years you all went to the same football games and movies. Do not bother “bartering above your station” if she is not the type to date your type.

Confidence. Don’t think yourself unworthy of every woman who walks into study hall, either. Try, please, TRY to strike a healthy balance between “Ah, me,” (ala Eyore) and the cock of the walk. We do not know how to handle either of you. WE don’t know what to do with a whimpering one—other than play armchair psychologist—and we don’t know how to act around an egotist—other than to giggle NERVOUSLY, as in DANGER to our self-preservation instincts, which are telling us to run.

Interests. Have interests other than guns. Talk about something besides your Nazi swastika collection. In fact, if you are a skinhead or neo-Nazi, you may have other things on your mind besides how to seduce women. So ignore this article, won’t you? When you ask her questions, for God’s sake—or yours—LISTEN to the answer. Don’t look at her boobs. Don’t keep saying uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Interact.

Health. The studies show that we are attracted to the body and face that represents the optimum reproductive abilities and features. That is, white teeth, symmetrical shapes, etc., are not consciously sought after but certainly part of the search. Brush, bathe, shave, etc.. And smell good. Whatever that means.

Fairness. Do not put her on some Madonna (or Madonna/whore combo) pedestal. She is not Angelina Jolie. She is not your mother. She won’t make love to you forty times a week. She won’t cook for you or jump up from her studies to do the dishes if you demand it, expect it, or insist that Mommy always did it for you. If you are just meeting her, don’t tell her how much you adore your mother or how many nights a week Mom comes along on dates with you. In fact, if you’re an actual Mommy’s Boy, don’t even bother reading this.

Positivity. Whatever You do, do not fake joy and sunshine and lollipops if your favorite pet just died, but try to see something good in every person you meet, not just the one that your biology cannot ignore. Try to see, especially, some good in yourself. Smiling and jokes are often great bonding mechanisms. So is “Hello.”