Jealousy can be compared to cowardness: it is not an elevated feeling being a proof of love, but rather a permanent diffidence and fear of being unable to maintain domination over the object of love. Some people try to protect themselves from jealousy by choosing an originally intimidated, humble and useless person as a match. They prefer him or her to possess all of the above properties, only to be sure that it would prevent them from the fear of loss. Anyway, even this precaution doesn’t prevent them from experiencing a feeling of jealousy, as this feeling is an unconscious reflection of their own weakness. The more the perception of his or her own inferiority, the stronger is the potential jealousy.
Psychologists have noted that very often men tormenting their wives with jealousy are not faithful themselves. However, their own unfaithfulness is of no importance to them, and they regard love affairs with other women as potential parallel relationships along with their marriage bonds.
A husband or a wife displaying jealousy often raises rows, trying to restrict all possible contacts of a spouse with other people. Such environment makes all family members suffer, therefore, it is in each other’s interests to help to create a climate of good will in the family and get rid of jealousy. Jealousy mostly prevails in those families where neither words nor matters are straightforward. Very often it is a result of such recommendations as “Full openness does only harm to a family. Don’t tell your husband.”
Jealousy beyond measure is abnormal. For a person suffering of this disease any suspicious look would be enough to accuse the spouse of unfaithfulness. He (she) will be looking for any signs of unfaithfulness everywhere: in unwillingness for intimacy, in a gaze at an unknown man (woman), in a persistent wish for intimacy (to conceal unfaithfulness). Such jealousy may turn into madman’s ravings based on no real ground. A jealous spouse makes up various situations, develops them and lives by them. In medical terms it is called a “syndrome of a third person”. It’s useless to influence such a person by means of common sense. In such a case one should seek psychologist’s assistance.
On the other hand, a reasonable jealousy may add variety into the family life. However if it gets excessive, it becomes a sheer nightmare. Abnormal jealousy destroys heart bond between husband and wife and even affects work.
