Has your sex life been a bit neglected lately? Its not like you don't care but well, it's just finding the time and energy. It seems impossible some days because there's work and cleaning and working out and grocery shopping and cooking dinner, laundry, kids, family commitments, friends, ironing! When you do get horizontal you pass out within minutes. Or you're not in the mood. Or you just can't be bothered. Soon enough a month has passed and you can't remember the last time you had sex. And when was the last time you kissed your partner and I mean really kissed them, not just a polite peck?
Or maybe you've just fallen into a rut. You have sex in the same place at roughly the same time each week and do the same things. Routine is good for things like brushing your teeth but it shouldn't come into your sex life when variety and excitement are crucial elements in making it fulfilling.
If this sounds like you and you want to kickstart your sex life back into well, life, then read on.
1. Be spontaneous
The element of surprise can be very seductive. Take a shower together, surprise your partner with a long passionate kiss when they are expecting to just graze lips, buy some new lingerie and wear it.
2. Get healthy
Eating well and regular exercise put you in better touch with your body and that inner healthy glow not only makes you look more attractive but gives you heaps of energy and makes you feel more vibrant and alive.
3. Be affectionate
If you haven't had sex for awhile then it may be better to build up slowly to get back into the groove. Instead of trying to go from a standing start to racing speed, ease your way back into the physical by touching when you can and by being considerate with each other. Touch when you talk. Stop to kiss when you walk past each other in the hallway. Trail your finger along their shoulder as they sit reading a magazine. Snuggle on the couch in front of your favorite movie.
4. Be sensual
Give your partner a peppermint foot bath when they get home from a busy day. Massage their hands, scalp, back - wherever takes your fancy (if you don't know how to massage, don't think about it, just do what feels good). Or try a lighter touch by using a feather or silk scarve to trail along the length of your partner.
5. Be encouraging when your partner does something you like
Even if you've been together a long time your partner doesn't always know what you like and even if they do it doesn't hurt to tell them once in awhile. Say what you like and why you like it, if they have more information you never know what they may come up with to please you.
6. Read your partner an erotic bedtime story
The mind is crucial in any attempt to resuscitate your sex life. It needs to be turned on first and the body will follow. There is some great erotic fiction around or you could try Nancy Friday for stories about other people's sexual fantasies.
7. Have fun
When was the last time you laughed together? Put on your favourite track and dance. Or buy the music that was popular when you first got together and play that for a trip down memory lane over dinner. Take a midnight dip.
8. Write a sexy letter
If you can't tell your partner what you really want them to do to you, then writing it down is a great alternative. It lets you be as specific as you like without feeling like your face is going to turn tomato red and gives your partner time to process what you've said and get into the mood (if you need help putting your letter together try visiting www.loveyouletters.com for easy-to-us love templates).
9. Experiment
Learn a new technique together. Try a romantic weekend away. Or you could try a sex toy from one of the many on offer. If you always have sex lying down then try standing or sitting. If you're always on top then try switching things around.
10. Focus on the now
When you do get down to it, it is crucial that you focus on exactly what it is you are doing. To do this you must stop the chatter within your own head. Don't worry that you forgot to pick up the drycleaning, or how you need to call your mother about her birthday, or the fact that you're out of cereal. Leave all that stuff to later. Much later. Chances are it won't seem nearly so important once you're done.
***