I used to be quite a fragile character, some would say that I was even scared of my own shadow. I was always paranoid that people were talking about me and laughing behind my back.
Even though my parents are superb, I was not a happy child or a happy teenager. I am so unlucky you see or so I thought. I walked around as if the world owed me something and would often feel very sorry for myself. I was bullied at school, it was more mental bullying rather than anything physical. I am sure that most people also get bullied and deal with it. It would leave me in a state of panic and depression. Looking back I have to say I was a bit of a wimp in reality.
I decided that enough was enough by my mid-twenties and decided it was time to toughen up. I could not continue to live my life as I had been, as I would probably be dead by the time I was fifty.
I then went about a self-help program to increase my overall self-confidence and self-esteem. I wanted to learn more about stress-management, dealing with depression, relaxation and about how to become successful in life.
What I found out over the next twelve to eighteen months would change my life forever.
These are the things I had to do:
I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. Yes I am not perfect but who is.
I had to think in a more positive way.
I had to stop worrying about the future.
I had to stop caring what other people thought of me.
I needed to smile more.
I needed to learn to relax. I now use meditation for this purpose.
I had to learn to like myself.
I needed to become stronger to fight away the negative thoughts in my head.
I needed to appreciate what I did have in life, rather than concentrating on what I had not.
I started to implement the above and it helped me no end. That horrible cloud of doom, still descended however, around once a month. When it does descend, I now write two lists. What I am happy about in life and what I am sad or worrying about. I then analyse both lists and more times than not, I am actually over-reacting.
In conclusion, life is a battle. There are good times and bad. We need to become strong and learn to think in a more positive way. We have to fight back against people who bully us and against the voices in our head who are trying to make us panic. This is not easy, however with determination people are able to turn their life around just like I have.
I used to feel anger towards the people who bullied me at school. I now feel sorry for them. They are the bad apples and I prey for them. I prey that God will one day make them pure.
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