The owner, who was taken away in cuffs, claimed, “I had no idea some of the customers were dropping that stuff. But somehow they were smuggling it past the bouncers – Alka-Seltzer, Tums, Rolaids, you name it. Had I known, I would have slipped them some complimentary club soda.”
A female boomer noted, as she was being booked, “I admit it. I’ve become addicted to Alka-Seltzer How would you like to be in your fifties and be back out on the meat market? I just hope my children understand.”
A male patron, who was apprehended while attempting to escape as fast as he could amble down the street, lamented, “I’m single, I’m upset, so no wonder I need regular doses of Mylanta. And there’s nothing I won’t do to get it – rob, murder, even pick up a bottle at the drugstore.”
To the relief of the distraught boomers, who have a seemingly irrepressible urge to enjoy life even into their later decades, the club is scheduled to reopen tonight.
However, upon arrival the trendy crowd will notice that a new sign has been placed above the entrance, notifying them that “The Possession Of Antacid On These Premises Is Strictly Forbidden.”