A porn addict may tell himself, “Every man is into porn.” That’s not true, every man is not. The porn addiction will affect every area of the porn addict’s life but the most devastation is in his relationship with himself and his relationship with others.
An addict is filled with self-hatred, guilt, shame and fear. A porn addict isn’t a bad person but a person in pain. Often the addict has been sexually abused or suffers from other unhealed childhood wounds. Porn is used as an escape from stress, fear, loneliness, emptiness, and rejection.
Relationships suffer because a porn addict spends more time online with the porn addiction than with his family or friends. He experiences “being in a trance” where several hours spent online seem like several minutes. Meanwhile those who love him and want to have time with him feel ignored, angry, unimportant and neglected.
There is no love, honor, dignity, intimacy or commitment involved in online porn and cybersex. Porn addicts also set themselves up for unrealistic expectations in their personal intimate relationships leading them to being unhappy and unhealthy.
The shame, guilt and deceit that stems from porn addiction is often paralyzing. The results of this behavior leave a porn addict with feelings of regret, self-pity and humiliation. Without help he will feel depressed and experience lack of enthusiasm and passion for life.
Pornography is all about fantasy, an escape from reality. Reality is life and relationships are hard work. It takes continuous effort to be in an intimate and nurturing relationship with a partner and family. When a porn addict commits to change and becomes 100% responsible for his life he learns to build relationships on commitment, caring and mutual trust. Unlike sex in porn, the sex in healthy relationships is all about love.
