1. Make A List Of 'Stuff I Like'
If you have total writer's block and every sentence sounds dreadful, take the easy way out and make a list titled 'Stuff I Like'. I (as a professional copywriter, natch) recommend it as the easiest way to form a snapshot-in-words of unique, wonderful, sexy, dateable you. It's also quite a nice way of making yourself feel good as it reminds you what makes you happy. And hurrah for that.*
2. Answer One Of Our Random Questions:
Try answering one or two of our Random Questions (you might want to give the question, too, otherwise it may seem odd in the extreme) and wax a little lyrical in your answers. Think of these as springboards to help you be as creative and funny as you can be.
Try:
What my childhood nickname was and why.
What I did last Sunday.
The view from my desk.
My secret talents.
My favourite drink and why I love it so.
My favourite bar and why I love it so.
The last time I laughed till hot tea came out my nose/I wet my pants.
And so on. Not happy with those questions? Make your own up, sweetcheeks! It's a free capital. (Remember to be quirky. Quirky is so hot right now.)
Want to actually write good old-fashioned sentences about yourself, in the traditional profile format? Ok, so now we come to the next few points. These focus on how to say what you say - and common profile-writing no-nos to watch for.
3. Don't Be Negative
I was going to suggest that you could make a list of 'Stuff I Hate', but actually that just doesn't work. And you know why? Because negativity is not sexy. (And although a good angry rant is always enjoyable, it's only funny when it's delivered in the right medium - and an online dating profile isn't that medium.) No one wants to date a negative person. Sentences like "I can't believe I'm internet dating..." don't test well. (Anyone reading your profile doesn't think you're weird for trying something as hip and happenin' as Lovestruck.com. They're doing it too, remember?)
4. Avoid Clichés Like The Plague
If you describe yourself as someone who likes "going out, going to the cinema, having a bit of a laugh, hanging out with my friends, quite easygoing but like to do new things" then frankly, you sound like everyone I've ever met. Including my mother. If you say "I like going out to small bars with big drinks and free postcards in the hall next to the toilets. I like sleeping in the cinema and making up the plot when I leave. I like laughing at my friends when they are drunk and helpless. I like having impromptu drinking competitions on inappropriate weeknights" then you sound like someone with a bit of pizzazz. Of course, pizzazz is subjective. But I digress. My point is: make the effort to stand out from the crowd by avoiding the same-ol'-same-ol' lines - it's the only way to get that special someone out there to bark aloud with laughter and try to cover it up with a cough before their co-workers notice, and then want to vigorously Lovestruck you morning, noon and night.
5. Don't Share Too Much
Your profile is designed to give a taste of who you are, what you like and why you're so damn special. It's not really the place to unzip your chest, pluck out your heart and soul and lay them naked and pulsating on the online dating operating table waiting for the next Lovestruck punter to attack them with a scalpel. Don't reveal too much about the horrors of love and dating, the capriciousness of women and the utter bastardry of men. Keep that stuff till later.
6. Be Yourself... But Better
Naturally, we're all online dating because traditional dating can kind of suck. So to maximize your online dating pulling power, you've got to write a really top-notch profile that shows you to be seriously hot property. That means being the best possible version of yourself: the well-dressed, funny, impressive, adorable, intelligent, flirtatious, warm, attractive, kissable, self-assured, memorable YOU. So be a flirt. Be coy. Be confident. Be unusual. Smirk, frown questioningly, arch your eyebrow and pout your lip - all through the medium of words, of course. (And whilst we're here, please don't use lots of exclamation marks. One or two is ok, but more than that makes you sound breathless and overexcited... and that's not cool. The Fonz wouldn't use lots of exclamation marks.)
Oh, and watch your spelling. For me. Really. We're all grown-ups. We can use www.dictionary.com.
Well, I hope this helps. My last tip is to just force yourself to sit down and get the wretched thing over and done with. Thanks for reading. You've been a great crowd. I'm here all week. Try the veal.
